D3r3k's Daily Gripe

2005-12-09T22:00:00.000+11:00

GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!!~~~~

CAN'T BELIEVED THAT I HAVE BEEN HIBERNATING FOR SO DARN LONG!!!!!

I have no idea on how n where to start.....was reading at those previous postings of mine...just can't help but brought me down to my memory lane....all I can say is that I MISS MELBOURNE SO MUCH......

I am so glad tat 4 years+ in Australia have changed me so much. I am definately not the 18-year-old Derek Cheong Hoi Mun from Ipoh anymore, I am someone different, much more matured and much more complex in every aspect.THANK YOU AUSTRALIA.....

But ONE thing is for sure, I have lost the confidence in me. Perhapes, becoming too realistic is something I will associate with negativity.....meaning that I will tend to see things negatively in most cases.Too "much"(considering tat its uncountable) things happened within these 4 years+...I've met so many people from so many backgrounds and cultures.Good n bad, kind n nasty, love n hate etc etc....

Aimless n directionless will be the best words to describe me.I can't say tat I have made the wrong decision of coming back, but one thing is for sure, I will never appreciate a thing until I have lost it.

My current favourite words of wisdom:
"IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP"
"A NEEDLE CAN'T BE PAINFUL UNLESS YOU POKE IT ONTO YOUR OWN SKIN"
"IMM"( For those who know me lately, they will know the meaning of these few alphaberts)
"HAPPINESS IS ALL I AM ASKING, IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR?"

You guys know wat?....................I still dunno how to start.

Lots more to come.Wait for new postings prolly tmr ok?

2005-03-16T11:10:00.000+11:00

I get the message.....

It's just amazing how naive I am, thinking that everything will be fine after so many hardship and problems that I have been through for these couple of years in my life....

People can be darn cruel when they are nasty, it's just a 180 degrees turn from a super dooper fantastic person to someone who's basically a fucked up person. Sad but still....my life has to move on, and I should not be sad cause it's not worth a penny for me to be sad.

I need to stay focus, though its extremely hard to do so. Can anyone spare some remedies for me to cure this situation???

Frankly speaking, deep down the little naive Ipoh kid is still with me, I am still the temperamental, emotional, and genuine Derek whom I reckoned have been changed.
I can be a fucking idiot sometimes!!!! Trusting ppl again n again is not funny, considering that I have been betrayed over and over again...... How am I going to do in the future where I need to be realistic and "fake" living in the working world????I might not be able to handle those issues....

All in all, I am very much hurt till I want to just leave this country for good ASAP......though I also know that it's not the correct way to just avoid the problem....but I see no other choice...

2005-03-13T22:23:00.000+11:00

I don't give a damn!!or am I???.....

What a normal day I had....woke up at 12pm, feeling very very tired and dizzy, it's like holding a brain that weighs a tonne. But what to do? I still need to work....

Work was as shit boring as usual, but, once again, what to do??? I still need money to spend....

Met up with Cathy for dinner, Trudy was scheduledly late, so she gave it a miss. And there we go, talking nonsense all the way and just gossiping other ppl's business, wat da heck?!!THAT'S SOOOO NOT ME,OR IS IT??LOL!FAR OUT!!!!~~~ Ah well......at least, it was sorta "therapeutic" for us.....like got away from reality like 2 seconds.

I was telling Cat that I couldn't be borthered comforting ppl who don't know how to help themselves, don't know how to control their emotions and ppl who just throw tantrums to everyone anytime when they are in the bad mood. I was WRONG.....She told me that I do care a lot, prolly just with different approaches, come to think about it, yea, she might be true, cause I'm not very emotionally supportive, as in I won't go:" OH MY GOD dear, are you alright?? Come, lemme give you a dearly hug/some words of nice advices etc etc...." Instead, I would go:" yea, u ask for it! stop living in yer dreams, WAKE UP!!!~~" That's maybe how I term my "same intentions, different approaches" method of support.

It's sad to know the fact that ppl hate you when u say that when ur intentions are totally genuinely good, but seriously, I should understand why....

So many self doubts today.....oh well, at least it's a normal day. =P

2005-03-13T00:17:00.000+11:00

Moomba Waterfest 2005

Welcome to Moomba Waterfest 2005, this year celebrating 50 years of fun..........

Moomba is a timeless tradition of family fun and just when you thought it couldn't get any better, here comes the 2005 Moomba Waterfest 50th Birthday Extravaganza!!!!!!~~~~

Sounds amazingly good, isn't it? But in fact, NO!!!
It's just like any other years where they have some expensive games and rides that I can never afford to play *or should I say never worth for me to play*, millions of ppl squashing each other etc etc...

Having said that, I must admit the annual waterfest fire show was fantastic, never ever let me down, which is mainly the reason why I went there, and of course, hanging around with friends is always a pleasure. Enjoyed the moment where all my friends sitting on the hill, watching the fireworks together, it just feels good. But come to think of it, this is my third time and might be my last time to Moomba, so it's kinda sad if I think that way, oh well.....

Choon Hao left Melbourne this morning, I hope he enjoyed this trip heaps, I think he did, and the amazing thing was, he only spent around a thousand dollars in three different cities in three weeks, WHAT A BUDGET TRIP!!!
Anyway, after these couple of days sharing a room with this dude, I must say, both of us had changed, dramatically, to good or bad, I can't conclude that, but one thing's for sure, we are still great buddies!!!

Perhapes this is how a friendship should work, constantly adapting each others good and bad points, if it's adaptable, then the friendship will last a lifetime; In contrast, if we can't tolerate the fact that people change through time and through different environments, friendship would be much harder to sustain in the matter of years.

Lastly, I just wanna let you guys know that with the help of summer weather, my hair "visual enhancing tool" makes my head very itchy.......

2005-03-09T12:28:00.000+11:00

More Friends....Good or Bad?

I have come to a conclusion that the more languages you speak, the harder for you to speak any language "perfectly". The reason is because when you see so many ppl around who come from various backgrounds speaking various languages, you, or at least myself will tend to "break the ice" by speaking the language that they speak, in order to sort of communicate better with that person, and hoping to form a good friendship etc etc., which I initially, thought that it's very advantageous especially when you are living in a multicultural country.
But somehow, knowing too many languages gave me "some" negative implications, I am less should I say, "faithful" to my first language??? And as time goes by, the relationship between my mother tongue language and I deteriorates........Doesn't mean that I am not going to speak that language anymore, doesn't mean that I have changed, nor I felt that the language is useless for me.....Its just that sometimes, situations do not allow me to speak the language that I used to speak.....and thus for my understandings, I have been "sentenced".

Its just the reflections that I have received recently, but what can I do to change this fact?? I am not going to dump my first language, neither will I stop speaking other languages anymore....So, what should I do???Change myself for the others or remain the same as I don't need to constantly accomodate to what situations always want me to do???*confused*

I am not a bad person, I know that deep down and I always hope that the people around me happy and willing to accept my attendance but being a typical leo makes me wonder how much more can I take with regards to how the surroundings perceive me as a person???

2005-03-08T00:53:00.000+11:00

LONG TIME NO SEE!!!~~~~

OMG!!!!! I haven't been posting anything here since like last year, dear ppl, how unbelievably lazy I am, far out!!!!!!!~~~
Too many things, uncountable events happened since October, should I rephrase that to too "much" things then?

All in all, I am very satisfied with my life so far, enjoyed the whole summer season, though I was like a full-on hardcore workaholic at Myer till everyone calls me Mr."Can-I-Have-More-Shifts" in my department.
Oh well, as the chinese saying goes, " if your horse is dead, you need to climb down and walk with your two legs, and not sitting there waiting for it to move further "..........Hmm....if you know what I mean cause it doesn't really make sense to me either...but anyway....

As quoted from a friend, I think I can use "dead fish ressurection" to describe my life at the moment, somehow, I feel good about everything, my hopes n dreams, my friends and family. Though I am having a hectic semester this year, I still feel relax and am currently enjoying Uni, like for the very first time, life has been great overall.

This might be due to the fact that I'm leaving Australia in prolly 3 months time...and I am stepping into another chapter of my life, therefore, I am kinda excited about it and a bit eager to finish my Uni once and for all. Time passes like a blink of an eye, its just amazing how much I've grown to become this ME.....err....I think I am getting a bit philosophical, or at least I'm heading that direction....

Anywayz, why don't I just do a brief summary of what has been happening since my last posting:

1)Had aweful final year exams
2)Worked like a mad cow for Myer and dealed with unlimited amounts of customers expecting royalty treatments during boxing day...WTF!
3)Passed all my subjects, and an offer for a supp paper though I already passed the subject. Win-win situation, woohoo!
4)Went for a trip, a fantastic, unforgetable one, its just amazing!!!
5)Took a summer course subject, Flora of Victoria, haha....I ended up liking the subject which I think is pretty good, and I also learnt to appreciate flowers and trees...err.....
6)Bought a hair "visual enhancing tool", its just flawless!!
7)Got my 10-year-old and 8-year old keloids removed....still pending for excellent results....finger crossed!!!
8)Didnt notice Guy Sebastian walking passed me at all in Crown.
9)Too lazy to sit for the supp paper exam
10)Started my last semester of Uni.

I have come to a point where I dont know what else to write and don't feel like writing anymore, FYI, it's already 2am and I have got class in 8 hours time, so lets hope that my next blog will be posted as soon as possible LAH!OK hor?

Till then, ciao amigos!

2004-10-19T10:35:00.000+10:00

A busy new life; same old lazy me

It's confirmed, ages ago, that I am a super ultra huge procrastinator, but what have I done to change this life threatening fact???? NOTHING!!

Needless to say that I've spent the whole mid-sem break playing playing playing and nothing but play. All the I swear, I'm so gonna do it, I'm determined, I'm 110% sure yadaa yadaa yadaa are just rubbish words that came out from my mouth!!Thinking that I am going to work hard to achieve good grades for this semester, but seems like history might repeat again. NOOOO............*drowning*

Oh well, life has been very packed with entertainment lately, I have no time for everything, including my daily scheduled 8-12 optus free time chat. THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Am so glad that I've met this bunch of new friends, we share the same interest, same artistic thoughts, and we are VERY VERY critical, just can't help but "acting" so professional. LOL!! But it's for the good purpose, as the chinese saying goes," no critics, no improvement".

MAN.....looking at the clock in Baileau, 10.50am, gotta rush for next class......will be continue...

2004-09-26T03:13:00.000+10:00

THANK YOU PPL FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND WISHES

Really appreciate how you guys supported me, I felt that I've disappointed u guys....=(

I have done my best and I must say the rest are really very good. None of us can 100% guaranteed to get into top 4, however I am really happy that Trudy got into top 4, I knew she could go very far right from the start. Congrats Trudy!!!

Oh well......perhapes I am just not good enough, or not good looking enough to get some extra points, or just mainly because the guys are all very similar standards, it's harder to judge them.....Anyway, the competition is over, now I have to face the reality and work really hard for my studies!!!!! =( again.

The show was a successful one, so happy that I've known these wonderful finalists who are not kiasu at all....they are very supportive to each other...cheers to u guys!

Sading now.......gimme some time to chill out before writing another entry...

2004-09-24T01:52:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow's the day!!!!!!!!!!!

I have SOOOOOOOOOO many things to say, but surprisingly I am clueless now, dont know how to start.....

"I hate singing for competition"

This is the conclusion that I've made during the process of this competition, it's very very tiring I must say, starting to hate the song that I used to like so much because the song suits my vocal range and techniques, and I dont think I will sing that song ever again......

Anyway, this competition helped me built my stage confidence, and most importantly, gotta know these 12 finalists who are so damn talented on singing, they are just superb!

Frankly, I reckon that I stand no chance at all on winning this competition, not even top 4(FYI, they will kick out 8 from 12 finalists straight after 1st round on the finals), and I am very honest and serious here. They are just too good.....and I know too well that I wont be able to outstand myself in front of them.

Ditto Trudy, we are so gonna be the last 2 in the finals and we will step aside,clap our hands and congratulate other finalists who get into top 4. Exactly like the beauty pageants who didnt get thru to the next round, they all have to step aside and force to curve their lips and pretend that they are happy for the winner.

I admit that I am KIASU la!!!!!!!

It's just the feeling of wanting to get something in return after putting so much effort on it, esp when it's something that I always wanna to do........haiz.......why dont I have the WOW effect???Why dont I have the GOD gifted voice????Why my face so bad????? Why does my double chin so damn freaking obvious?????? sighing......

OK, enough of the competition.....Life has been pretty busy lately......but what exactly did I do except for the competition??? I cant remember......Gimme sometime to recall back and I will post it here next time, till then, WISH ME MANY MANY LUCK FOR THE COMPETITION, Malaysian Boleh!!!!South East Asian Boleh!!!!

P/S: to ppl coming tomorrow, pls dont laugh when u see me dancing on stage and my so-called "Hawaiian costume", cause they both sucked to the max!

2004-08-30T23:05:00.000+10:00

Heya bloggy!!!
Should have been more consistent on writing my thoughts and feelings to this site, but laziness pulls me off everytime when I want to write something....that's me I guess, LAZY BUGGER!!
Anyway,quite a few major "events" happened to me lately, at least, since I last blogged.
Just wanna say a huge THANK YOU to these ppl in no particular order: Lidia, Lib, Manli, Amabel, Shan, Jason, Andrew, Joshua, Agnes and nick for giving the best surprised bday party to me.Aww........soo touched!!!And of course, the unexpected pressies!!!Feeling a lot more "bling-bling" on the left side of my head, thanks again guys, really appreciate what u guys did to me.
Secondly, wanna thank the same bunch of ppl+Jean n Brian who came to support me for my singing competition. Without all of your support, I dont think I will actually go for it.Talking about the competition, it definately reminds me of Popstars, the feelings, the excitement as well as disappointment that I had to give it up for my studies......somehow I have the feeling that I am going to make the same decision again....sigh....then again, I have to win this thing first before I can put myself into that kinda situation. Currently contemplating of whether or not I should be happy IF I win this thing.......but anyway,I'll just give it a try and see how far I can go.
Uni stuff are stacking up AGAIN, God I hate this!!Assignments, readings, lecture notes, journal reviews etc etc etc are driving me nuts!!! Where should I start, or to be precise, how should I start???!!!

Josh wants another housemate, fair enough, since he's the owner of the house, but I truly wish that the coming housemate will be a nice one like Josh......Dont want bad incidents to unleash again......

Well, that's all for now.......thanks for reading this.....goodbye.

2004-08-10T10:00:00.000+10:00

UPDATES!!!FINALLY!!!

Man, it's been sooooo darn long since I last bloged.Many things happened and I have no idea where to start now.
First of all, WHERE THE **** IS MY FLOOBLE CHATTERBOX??????? I can't seem to get it back.Since all of ya know how "literated" I am when comes to computer knowledge, can anyone help me get back my chatterbox???
Anyway, here I am again, in the library waiting for another lecture to go. Am really sick and tired of Uni, wants to graduate desperately but on the other hand doesn't really wanna graduate, if you get what I mean.
Last month was really fun. Was very glad that I was home at last, after such a long period of time.I think I told Andrew before that the happiest and the most fun moment I had was sitting in my living room with my mum, dad, karen and kelly chatting. It's blissful.Felt like I haven't had this kinda moment for more than a decade!!
Malaysia has improved overall and is still improving. Sometimes I just can't believe I was brought up from that place,Malaysia has gave me lots, I learned to become multilingual, I'm more adaptive to other cultures, lucky enough to eat the cheapest n tastiest food in the world, nice sceneries, beaches, watch a movie for 2 dollars 50 in Village Cinema etc etc etc....
Anyway, I am back in Melb again.Have to work really hard this two semester cause most probably it's going to be my last year here.
Till then, adios!

2004-06-27T09:23:00.000+10:00

~~~Freezing session to Baking session~~~

Well guys, will be leaving tomorrow,but I have got so many things to do and heaps of stuff to be settled. Can't bother doing anything at the moment!

Watched SHREK 2 yesterday arvo at VMAX, pretty good,4/5 stars from me! If anyone of you willing to come over to Knox City, VMAX is definately the greatest choice to catch a movie. It's SOOOOOO much comfy and the screen is SOOOOOO wide....but for the same price as the normal cinemas in the city.

Cut my hair yesterday evening at this Korean Salon at Boxhill, FINALLY!!!!And it's 20 bucks only!!BUT........dunno, a bit too stylo. I mean I obviously don't mind new hairstyles at all, in fact I would love to have a change, but whether or not my folks will like this haircut is another issue.....*panicking*.
FYI, my parents still don't know that I had my left ear pierced. Extra boost for them man!As the chinese saying goes, Xuang Xi Ling Men(Double "happiness" come right to your door) Mati la aku!

Mi Papa:"What happened to you AGAIN????Aus changed you a lot(in a very bad way)!!!!! Why colour you hair like your sisters???"(implying that blokes shouldn't dye their hair cause it's gals thingy)

Mi Mama:"How many times did I ask you not to pierce your ear????? Aren't you afraid of getting an extra ear?????!!!!!! I spent so much money to send you overseas to study and not to learn these kinda stuff!! Can't believed you did that!!!

*Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag.............*

Ah well, at least I'm well prepared. Just shoot me with anything! I guess I can handle it......Anyway, hope that the presents that I am giving them will more or less cool them down a bit...

Went Karaoke yesterday night with Andrew,Agnes and Nick, it's alright~~~~~not that bad.....sang badly though...

OK, I guess that's all for now. To my friends in Malaysia, I shall see u guys in no time; and for peeps in Melb, WILL MISS U GUYS HEAPS!!! Take care!!!Happy Winter Break while I'll be baked like a gingerbread man(go watch Shrek)!

Cheers!!!

2004-06-25T09:42:00.000+10:00

Last one to go!!!!!

Ok, fingers crossed extremely tight that I can blardee know how to do the paper at 2.15pm!!!!
After this, I'll be in Heaven for two weeks!~~~YAY!!!!!!
Can't wait any longer!!!!
In the mean time,9.40am, I am sitting in front of a computer at Baileau Grd Flr,alone,doing nothing.....
Please help me!!!!

2004-06-22T20:25:00.000+10:00

Exhaustion!!!!!!!

I'm really exhausted!
The price to pay for going back for holiday is to go through such excrutiating exam period!!!So LONG!!!!!!!!

Malangnya aku!!!! Kenapa ku harus alami tempoh sebegini???

Pity those ppl who won't be able to see their "Mata Gula Gula" anymore,at least for this coming break(I should say winter break for those who finished exams already but not for me mah!~~)

Boring!!!!!!!!!! Ciao.

2004-06-17T02:06:00.000+10:00

Unproductive days with a hint of melancholy

Still contemplating about the direction/s that I am heading......

Exams suck!!!!Makes you feel like you are the most ill-fated person in the world,especially the day before exams when you know shit about the subject!

Talked to Jun Hao and Wei Bo yesterday midnight, feeling so blessed that I've got good mates like them. The conversations we had were endless.....eventhough I have not been seeing them since 2002,which is like ages ago...

Thanks dudes!!!Can't find any other words to express my gratitude to them.

Final thoughts for the day: Don't break promises and don't cheat.

2004-06-15T12:32:00.000+10:00

Woohoo!!!Knocked down two, two more to go!

Can't believe that my exams are so so so so dragging, once a week and last for three weeks!Some ppl said that it's good to have such an exam schedule, but to me, it's just simply DRAGGING!!!

To everyone who knows me, you should pretty much well informed that I am a super dooper lazy ass!So, even if you give me 365 days to study for an exam, I'll only start revising prolly a day or two before the day comes. SO, WHY THE HELL GIVE ME SUCH LONG EXAMS???!!!!!!!
(Ok, statement above might trigger some complaints from many ppl, but WHATEVER SHIT MAN!!!)stress stress stress...

British Airways flight BH753, PLS, I BEG YOU!!!Send me home ASAP!!!

Sorry for acting this way, This D3r3k will only show up twice a year, usually around the months of Jun and November(Depression months);Other days, I'll return to my "real" self, a hot,nice,handsome,chill,cool dude!;P

P/S. According to Am, I might have super grumpy face when I am hungry too. So, tolerate with that as well, ok?

2004-06-09T11:15:00.000+10:00

10 things I want to do once I step into the Land of Mountains(Ipoh)!!!!Tanah Airku!!!!!

1.Unlimited "Yum Cha"s(Breakfast)
2.Once arriving my house,I will throw all my luggages...jump onto the super comfy sofa(used to but dunno how comfy it is now), grab the remote control like a speeding bullet and switch on the cable channels and "meditate" with the HK and Taiwan variety shows(must NOT be disturbed at that moment).ASTRO!!!I AM BACK!!!!!
3.After that, I shall start saying hi to everyone.kekekekekeke...
4.Eat Ipoh Chicken Hor Fun,Laksa,Har Mee...with extra extra extra noodles pls...and Indian Cendol for desert....(Lunch)
5.Back to my ASTRO.
6.Call my friends and buddies for an hour or two.
7.Oh ya, forgot to switch on the air con.
8.Go greentown to meet up my friends, catch up with them as much as possible while eating unlimited sticks of chicken and beef satay, Poh Pia,Ice cream potong,Teh Tarik,Roti Chanai,Roti Prata,Roti Tisu,Roti Proton Saga,Roti Suzuki, Roti Celine Dion......haven't seen them(food and friends)in AAGGGGGEEESSSS...(Combination of dinner and supper)
9.Karaoke for less than 10 bucks!!!!!!
10.Back to my ASTRO.....

PS: Almost forgot that I have to baby-sit two adults(Ms and Mr A), have to bring them around as well, hehehe.....
PPS: Man, this is so uplifting!!!!Work for u guys too,isn't it???

2004-06-09T00:02:00.000+10:00

Miss those pimple free days.....

Had a dunno-how-bad-I-did kinda exam this arvo, feeling much better but mentally exhausted to its peak.Man exams are tough!!

Can actually felt that my head was really hot this morning before exam started because I stuffed too many things into my brain, poor lil brain. Almost afraid that halfway throughout the exam, my head will explode, and all the blood vessels will burst out, like a water fountain splashing all over the exam hall and my eye balls,organs are everywhere!!

Ok, a bit violent and exaggerating, but it's true. Haven't been working so hard lately I sposed, my brain is definately not used to memorize so many terms n experiments in one day, or to be precised, in just 4 hours!

Ah well,at least one is done, still pending for another three more freaking papers......

Frustration of exams leads to severe mood swings.

Things have changed as what Shantini mentioned on her blog, and I truly agreed with her, things do change, so as the decisions we made...

Couple of weeks before, I said that I am so gonna go back Malaysia for good no matter what. Today, I feel like taking back what I've said.

I really can't imagine myself going back for good anymore, frankly, I appreciate the life that I've created in Melb.So far, the stuff that I did/bought/overcame are all done by my two hands, I EARNED them and I am still earning new things, I don't wanna lose them just like that, head back home and start the whole process again.

But how am I going to stay????How can I stay?????Through What Ways???

Money???Zero.
Education???Lousy single degree with no honours
Business???Like I have one!
Skills???Yeah right, Australia desperately needing Asian singers!

So, what should I do??By this time neat year, I have only less than a month to pack my bags and Aus custom will gonna kick my ass back to Malaysia. Meaning that time is running out very soon and I have to make a decision ASAP......

Should I give up the life here? Leave the ppl that I cherish here for good?If yes, should I start treating ppl badly in order to make both parties feeling better when I am leaving?(Ok, u guys know I won't do that)Then again, should I stay???

Pondering.............

2004-06-03T15:04:00.000+10:00

Can someone tell me where to buy this book entitled "Passing exams for Dummies"???

Current stress level 12/10. Need to get 36/120 in 652304, seems easy but extremely hard for me. What to do???????? Am I that stupid????Am I that useless??????SIGH......SIGh....SIgh....Sigh...sigh.....

Urgently and Desperately needing a holiday now, I mean NOW.Ok,I know that the day is coming very soon but before that I have to face huge obstacles aka Exams! I don't wanna fail!!! I don't wanna face the same thing as some of my friends did (someone told me that this semester will be my turn *hint hint*, NOOOOOOOOOO!!! PPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE.....)

Ok, other than that, life is good. Thanks to Indo Kelly Chen(with a fu kui face)for talking shit with me 24/7 as both of us now are "one of the others". I reckon the only thing we said pretty often again n again is "Where are you?", that's all!From there onwards,we start creating meaningless topics, talking nonsense shit and bla bla bla....

Can't imagine my life without friends, esp in Melb, this boring n dead city.Thank you ppl!!! Sounds sooooooo corny but what to do? Friends are important to me mah!

Am and Andrew, please start dieting now as I am planning to have a all-you-can-eat style makan makan(eating feast) non stop in Malaysia soon!!! Yippie!!!!Can't wait any longer man!

In the mean time, let me just "sigh" for another 21 days,ok?

2004-05-30T23:57:00.000+10:00

颓废的思索

无奈,真的无奈.我不通晓人生的意义,为己或为人吗?
为谁呢?
为谁???
天真...无邪...单纯....幼稚....难道我还活在此些地方吗?原以为挺成熟的我,面
对事情还是依然我行我素.我很无用,小气大王......
考试已近在眼眉,达到水深火热的境界;而我只不过温过一堂课的资料.我不能再如此
地堕落颓废下去.....

我要克服困难,克服心中的心魔.......

2004-05-22T22:16:00.000+10:00

Allanah Hill's sales girls ROCK!!!!Drooling......

Ok, the title doesn't really apply to what I'm going to say,but anyway...Had a good brunch today, Yum Cha at King Bo at lil bourke st. Yummy food is all I can say....Expensive though,so declaring bankruptcy in no time ppl!

Well, didn't know why the hell we got to Chapel St after the brunch, just wanna escape from reality I guess.

Chapel street is a place that I love n hate. Love it because it's a shoppers' paradise, pretty faces are everywhere, even the nicely groomed dogs were wearing Burberry dog chain.Sigh....what can I say,I'm damn poor!!!!;Then again, hate the place because it's such a superficial, fake, "artificial" street with non sincere,non genuine customer service salesmen.

"Hi, how u goin?" what's the point of saying this while a reluctant smile is tagged on the face????Gapbuster guys, deduct 4 marks from this store pls!!!!

Bought a cool, funky beanie as I urgently needed a cap today(due to bad-hair-day syndrome) and since it's pretty reasonable for its price, ah, what ever shit man!Mr.Andrew bought a really cool esprit leather-like bag, OMG, so nice!!! and it's only 49 bucks,imagine that!What a bargain!

Oh yea,talking about this dude, he's really the coolest dude that I've ever met in Melb so far. Very nice,extremely helpful, honest n generous, what can I ask for more?Though occasionally pisses me off so damn much.(Note:not asking for any favour at all,Mister. All compliments are from the bottom of my heart)
Nonetheless,I just want to say a huge thank you to you Andrew, for helping me heaps, even tried your best to help my friends n stuff. Stay in touch next time when I'm leaving for good,k?

To others, here I go:(In random order) Lidia, Manli, Lib, Am, Shan, Jason, Qi Wen, Choon Hao, Kian Hui, Wei Bo, Michelle, Chin Chuin, Matiin, Natalia and many many many more...THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH FOR BEING MY GOOD FRIENDS AND SUPPORTING ME 24/7!!!! A Gigantic MUAX to you guys!!!!MMMMMMUUUUAAAAKKKKSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

2004-05-18T17:08:00.000+10:00

000/911/999!!!! SOS!!!Save this innocent handsome prince!!!

Hell lot of stuf to be done lately, everything is going really crazy,but all I can do now is to swear n work my ass off!!Other than that, can't think of anything else...Sigh....

Quoted from entabeni's blog:"What a boring blog...Blogging for the sick of blogging...fucking shit!" Can't agree more with what she said!

Everything is just fucked up, so stressed, feels like stabbing myself at the moment, wait until I skipped my Spanish class again first!

Ah well, had a great dinner last week, very extremely expensive though, if mi madre knows, she'll be like :"You WHAT???Omigod!!!Can't believe you did that!!!

Sigh.....

2004-05-11T23:43:00.000+10:00

Sometimes, when we cross the line from "friends" to "lovers", we have to be aware that we will be altering the complexion of that relationship forever...

When Friends Go Too Far

Why did I cross the line?
Everything supposed to be fine
One moment of pleasure
For all this pain;
Can you tell me now what did I gain?
Everything would be OK -
Normal as it was,
But no - I chose to go that far,
I chose to cross that line,
I would never turn back time,
For every moment I learn.
It's just things are so different now -
Things between you and me.
Why didn't I open my eyes?
Why didn't I only see
That what we were accomplishing
Would be the end to you and me?
I'm sorry......

Dedicated to Gabriel

2004-05-05T17:27:00.000+10:00

A breath of "fresh" air,FINALLY!!!!!!!

Here are the list of things that had happened to me recently:

1.Got a tram fine with Am.The fine is increased from 100 bucks to 150 this year.
2.Sick.
3.Failed horribly for Genetic Analysis test.
4.Had a Cell Biology test today.A stressful one.
5.Found out that my last paper is on the 25th Jun, 2.15pm.THANKS TO MY FACULTY!!!
6.Already bought an issued ticket on the 25th Jun, 4.15pm. Thought that I would never ever have an exam on the last fucking day for the semester!
7.Talked to the course coordinator, all he said was "NO, It's your responsible to arrange your flight date, not ours!"
8.There are no available flights on the 25th night,26th and 27th.
9.Had to reluctantly take the 28th 4.15pm flight, and the worse thing is , that's an increased fare flight.So, have to pay another 141 plus tax+++.
10.Exam stress is driving me crazy!!!!
11.Overall,I had and am having severe mental stress plus lost nearly 300 dollars for no fucking reason!!!!

2004-04-30T23:53:00.000+10:00

Still Struggling.......

Phew.....had the second last test this morning, was alright, but not that good I reckoned.
Uni workloads are just too much at the moment, stressed out is the perfect word that I should apply to myself now.....
Other than that, it's all good, normal daily chores,normal life......just normal, nothing but normal....

2004-04-26T11:13:00.000+10:00

Short Film Making......y Mi Madre.....

Woke up in the morning, kept on thinking about the movie that I'm planning to make end of this year. Yes, A Movie! It'll definately be a very memorable thing for me to do before I'm going back for good, a movie to remember.....

Called my mum yesterday night,felt that she's like aging faster than anybody in the world, very depressing.....I felt guilty, if not because of me, she won't be still in HK, she would be working as a part timer nurse in Ipoh, and that's like so so so much better and easier!

I have to GO BACK, as in Msia/Sg for good. I can't afford to stay here, regardless of money wise, I have to spend heaps MORE time with my parents, esp my mum.Sick of those feeling where I'll only meet her twice a year, each time for 3 weeks at most.Though everything is good between my mum n I, I want more, I want her to feel that the children that she gave birth to aren't going to neglect her in the future......

To some ppl, they might think that I'm such a mummy's boy or whatever mummy says is correct that kinda brad. All I can say is I AM NOT as I don't even have the chance to be a mummy's boy.Everything I do, she'll say it's my decision, and all she can do is to give a guideline n some advices for me. Once, she told me that she felt culpable that she left us(dad, sisters n I) for HK to give a better life for my family, she didn't even gotta see me when I was in the hospital, attended my primary,secondary and college graduations, help me when I had a chicken pox, witnessed me getting 8As in PMR, sent me off to Aus, all she can do is to call me from NZ/Oman/Jeddah/HK and send me money, which is the main source to allow me to do all the things that I did n am doing now.....Can still recall the moments where everytime she's leaving us and went to those places alone, a 50+ mature lady but crying like a baby girl......At the time I was like between the age of 7~14, seeing her leaving everytime is something that is not fun at all but very distressing.....Sigh.... Is money really that important? Can money buy love?

She must retired, I must go back, I have to do a lot of things for her, like going to a theme park with her, which I never did, bring her to a cinema to watch a movie, go back to England with her and my dad of course, etc......I am her only son, I can never abandon her cause she is the "core" person who has made me to become the person I am currently breathing now......

No one is more important than mi madre......ti amor mi madre.......

2004-04-25T11:22:00.000+10:00

Early winter's taste!

First and for most,Happy 20th Birthday to you Amabel.I'm sure you are very happy and ecstatic, just as I am for your bday. The food was really great,yum2!!Though the lightings in the restaurant were too romantic that made me felt a lil bit tired and dizzy,opps!Ah well,everyone had heaps of fun,which I reckoned more important than anything else!

Secondly, Happy moving house Lidia, would love to help you do more things, so just feel free to lemme know,k?

Happy, happy, happy......

It's sooooooo cold for these couple of days, sorry to say this but I love it! A breath of cold air, finally!!! I don't really mind that at all.

Perhapes that's who I am. Unlike other people, I like sad songs, sappy or horror movies, love winter cause it's cold, not warm. Maybe I'm just that kind of person that I won't hope or desperately looking for love, warmth and happiness, cause the more I look forward to, the higher chance for me to lose more;But, if I don't expect anything at all, a fruitful surpise will arrive right in front of me, totally out of my expectation.

Been really negative recently, have to chill out a bit......will write happier stuff in the future, ciao amigos!

2004-04-25T01:41:00.000+10:00

凌晨12：45 分寒冷

心酸的苦楚

月黑风高，很晚了，我孤单，我挺累......思绪依然沉重。
原以为能为好友庆祝生日，就可以暂时忍“痛”；可是，一点儿都没效......不是都已经过了一天吗？为啥每每伤心的日子都会过得异常甚慢呢？简直就是与“夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏” 唱反调......
不知为何，越来越发觉自己的表演欲超强，染上演“当作什么事都没发生过”的男主角，为啥？为啥？？？难道旁人就会同情你吗？

算了，遗忘吧!!明天会更好，至少有每时钟50块的工作要等我做，私人之事就该抛开一面吧......

觉得写中文在此地更能表达我所要诉出的苦，形容词的引用于我更为发达方便，是以我想日后假如有多些时间的话，我会选择写中文，唯一的问题是用南极星这种方式去写字实在太太太太太费时了，故此只能偶尔执手写这日记，如有不便之处，恳请体谅......

无言再叙了，有点睡意，最后以这字结束此次留言，" 唉............"

2004-04-24T09:51:00.000+10:00

乌黑的蓝天白云.......

昨日的雨水频频而下，温度甚跌，老天爷仿佛在向我暗示啥事般地，果然不出我所料；今晨抬头一望，天色尚可，至少绵羊毛的白云与青蓝色般的天空总算高高挂上，但于我而言，天色依然是黑暗的.......

梦醒时分为7时20分星期六，我，独自一人，在床上翻来复去，根本就无法沉睡下去，难道自认为坚强的张凯文又再次地摔倒了吗？

对，崩溃的现象又隐隐约约地从脑海中心浮现了......这回，<失望>是我的主题，我唱的“歌”......

多日以前，认识了一个人，他/她/它献给我希望，献给我情，献给我无限的信任，也许这就是我吧，太过相信人，一而再，再而三地受骗......实际内容，老实说，现时真的不能详诉，全因我实在受不了要强迫脑细胞运作，重演昨日之事。

总括而言，伤了的心，就犹如被刮伤的皮肤，复原后仍然会留下疤痕，一个无法驱除的阴影......

2004-04-22T15:41:00.000+10:00

LOL....Just can't stop laughing at a message that I've received from someone that I don't know today, and here it goes: "Can I fren you?....U look hensome oh, fren me la....hehe"

Hahahahaha.........LMAO(Laughing My Ass Off)......

So, here is a list of answers that I might considering replying her, what do u guys think?

A: Sorry I'm not interested, thanks for sending me a message though, cheers.
B: Err....Mi no hensome la, go find anoter hensome boy la, thanks oh!
C: Ok, sure, why not?
D: Thank you ar...but u no look pretty, no fren fren lor!

HAHAHAHHAHAHAhahahahahahahahhahahaa.....ok, I know i'm quite "bastardo" but just can't help laughing...

2004-04-21T10:14:00.000+10:00

Cold days are back again, yay!!!!! Yeah, I am a winter lover.....though I come from a tropical country.Hate Summer!
Anyway, recently felt that the people around me treat me very well, thanks guys!Perhapes compared to 2 years ago, things are different now. finally, I mean FINALLY, I found myself a good housemate, phew.....At least, things are getting pretty good between us at the moment, I guess if both parties can tolerate each other well, everything would turn out perfectly fine...
Looking at some of my friends' problems, I feel deeply sorry for them as I can somehow understand how they feel at the moment, just like a billion tonnes of burdens fall on their shoulders, how stressful is that? Don't worry, as a friend, will try my best to lend a hand, at least some words of advise or support would help out a bit......
Have to go lecture now, till then, adios!

2004-04-20T17:59:00.000+10:00

What A Sad Day....

Did really bad for my genetic analysis test, most probably gonna fail.....damn.....
I have to study hard from now on, no more play time for me....
Feeling so shitty at the moment, like I just donated 10 marks for genetic faculty's drop out foundation.I want the donation back!!!!!! ;..(

2004-04-18T12:55:00.000+10:00

Seems ages ago since I'd written something here cause quite a lot of things happened for the past couple of days...

In short, I had a fun party, sincerely thank you everyone who came and the ppl who wanted to come but didn't get invited(sorry.....super pai seh....) Luckily the food was enough for everyone to feel full and most importantly, the 1st fish that I've cooked all by myself was a sucess,yay!!!
Had to clean up the mess till 3am, i guess.....really tiring n exhausting, what's even worse was I had to work from 10-6 the next day, overall a busy easter break, didn't feel like I had a break at all, and of coz didn't get to study much as well...

Received 2 cheques in 2 days, one is good and another one obviously will be the bad one, the good news is I can get all my bond back for the previous Nth Coburg apartment, going to send my bond refund form ASAP, i need money!!~
Secondly, I had received a pay cheque from China Arts for the stingers extra's job, but the bad news is the amount of them paying me.S'posed to get $74.75, but taxed $14(as I have two jobs, tax is higher) and talking about the comission, is another freaking deduction of 15 bucks, which eventually came down to $45.80, what a job!!!~~~

Anyway, experience is more important than the money, ah well....at least I can get some money back, better than no money at all.

Can't believed what happened yesterday, an old man, claimed himself as a famous fashion designer, flirted with one of the gay colleague in Menswear openly, couple of hours later, a written message was sent to our department for Harley (the gay colleague):
"Dear Harley:
Here you go, a little token from me( Calvin Klein G-string), will look great on you, and would like you to come over to my place and show it to me, but pls don't take off the security tag as I would love to put my hands down to remove it myself for you. I've included a business card, so call me....
Waiting for you at home naked at the moment,
Nick"
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! puke puke!!!! wat a sick man!!!! When Harley showed me the note, I was like oh my god!!! get a life you sick old freak!!!
The worst part was Harley was so euphoric that he straight away called him and an hour later, he left work early....so u guys should know what's next, right?
Can't believe some ang mohs are such horny sluts.....Don't they know that there is a virus called HIV??? God bless them, man....

Hence, with that interesting incident of the day, I hereby conclude my message for today....will write more stuff in this blog next day, maybe... till then, adios amigos...

2004-04-15T02:25:00.000+10:00

Didn't write anything here for two days, I have been quite busy, and very exhausted. At the moment is 2.12am thursday. I should be sleeping but here I am, figuring stuff to write in this site. mind me if the words don't make any sense, cause my brain cells dying now......

OK, happy news first, I broke my bowling record!~~ yesterday played bowling with josh n andrew, and I've got 219!!!! Very satisfied though the bowling thingy cost me fortune, blardee 2 games cost $15.95!!!Ah well, what can I say......

Thanks to Mr. Andrew's free ticket, watched Starsky & Hutch in Knox's VMAX( something like IMAX,super huge n the seats are soooo comfy!). Indeed, a 70's movie with 70's lame jokes, 1 star from me.

My imaginary Gabriel appeared in my mind back n forth again! Damn!!!! Seriously, I don't how to get her out of my mind, it's like I can't concentrate on anything at all: eat, sleep, wake up, brushing teeth, wait for trams etc...
Shit I miss her again, if only I could reach her or even say hi to her, but NO, NEVER!!

Many ppl complained to me about the potluck thingy, yeap, so sorry that I didn't really plan it well, will fix it up asap, sorry ya.....

2004-04-12T10:46:00.000+10:00

Rise and shine! A new day has come, but what did I do? nothing. Just lying on my big double bed, turned left and right three times, thinking that I have to do something, at least a chapter of Genetics, but....I've failed!
Something is holding me back, maybe I have a few lazy neurons and axons in the capillary system, but how to get rid of them? I would have to kill myself to take out all of them....

LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~

What a lame excuse to not study!!! OK, I shall do something now!
Currently listening to Celine Dion's " All by Myself" Spanish version, she's still the best among the best, her voice is the strongest!!! hands down la christina,kelly,mariah etc!!!

2004-04-12T01:48:00.000+10:00

Missing someone at the moment......

I miss my mum, my dad, my sisters, my dog and my friends, esp someone, her name is Gabriel, I don't know why can't I stop thinking about her, the things we did n we shared were short, but sweet and meaningful, but there is no way that I can reach her or spend my life with this person, damn....

Ok, dun worry about what I mentioned above, there is no Gabriel's existence......

Ah well, I find it excruciating when you wanna say or express something but you are not allowed to, I am an expressive and verbal person, I need to say everything that pops out in my mind, that's me I guess....

2004-04-11T12:37:00.000+10:00

This morning was a weird morning, not because I can actually wake up in the morning, feeling no stress, no plans n no work, it's because I found out something of myself.
I am an obsessive and possesive freak!~~
Used to think that I'm not a commital person, can't be bothered of what other ppl think about me etc.... I do care!! When I want something, I'll really want it and will try any ways to get it and when I heard someone backstabed n gossip behind me, I'll feel very very very angry and offended. Don't ask me how did I get this conclusion cause I don't know how on earth I'll wake in the morning and thought so many things.....maybe because the dreams I had that I can't remember what they were or maybe.....

2004-04-10T21:09:00.000+10:00

Sorry lidia for can't taking care of Fluffy, cause I really wanna take care of a dog at the moment, missing those days man!
Don't worry, I'm not pissed nor sad now, just feels that we need to understand that we both have our own busy times and ya, hope u'll know that I'll always have faith in you, eventhough we don't meet each other that often recently

2004-04-10T21:02:00.000+10:00

Happening days!~~

It's been a very busy n happening weekend for me, Thursday was really hard for me, half way recovered from a small fever after taken 2000mgs of Vit C (Acid free) but had to attend 9am class, after that, worked from 11-9pm, straight after that, I had to pack my bags to go to Andrew's place and stay there till today with Joshua.....

On Easter Friday, we did heaps of stuff. In the morning, all of us "Yum Cha" with Andrew's mum, and as usual, I got along with his mum pretty well and we ended up talking to each other the whole time n neglected everyone else on the table, hahahaha....

During arvo, Josh, Andrew n I went to watch Secret Window, it wasn't the best or even a good movie afterall, too predictable n dragging, though I must admit that Jonny Deep's performance was excellent, no wonder he was nominated for best actor in the Oscars. Overall, I'll give it 2 stars/ 5 stars....
After the movie, we went to this Korean BBQ place in Boxhill, the food was good, very "rich" in flavour, so as for the "bill", as if we are rich ppl!~~ , we didn't eat a lot but it was almost 90 bucks!Ah well, had a lesson.......

Right after the blardee expensive meal, we went for bowling(used to be my fav game but not anymore), as predicted, we played 3 games, and my results were horrible, 97, 101, 111, OH MY GOD!!!!!! Officially, I am a disgrace to my bowling mates back home....

Anyway, had a lot of fun yesterday and very much looking forward to another day trip in Glen Waverley......

Reached home at 7.30 this morning and had to work from 12-6 today and I just got home, feeling very exhausted but "full"and here I am, typing down everything here.......All thanks to Mr. Andrew for his pleasant offerings and his mum's treat for yumcha.

2004-04-08T09:55:00.000+10:00

Attention homosapiens currently in the land of Australasia: Flu bugs had arrived!~~ Sadly, I think I'm one of the victim. ;..( If anyone of you who are not convinced about me having a flu, I have a very strong n powerful witness and it is non other than my "Triple sexy eyelids". I guess most of you are pretty much 100% convinced now, hor?

At the moment, feeling as shitty as ever, physically and mentally, no mood to do anything except working at the farking Myer Big Farking Brand Sale till 9pm today, O'uch!

Many things happened yesterday, happy n sad, stupid n smart, surprised n dissapointed are all the expressions that I can sum up that I felt I guess.....Surprisingly, I don't feel like taking about it at all, perhapes I've forgotten already, or my brain just don't want me to think about, or maybe I'm just sick, can't think of anything else but sick.......or maybe.......

2004-04-06T17:24:00.000+10:00

Dammit!~~~~ For all of your information, my computer screwed up! Yesterday while chatting with Lidia, half way thru the computer was lagging n the colours of the screen had changed from 36 bits to 4 bits in a sudden, totally black,white n grey, i s'posed. After 10 seconds, the blardee computer performed a magnificient auto shut down, and after that, I can't open the freaking PC anymore......What the fxxk?!!!!
I guess master Andrew has to help me this time, again.

Today is such a lousy day, very hot during arvo but look at the sky now, dark blue n freaking windy, might gonna have a huge storm later in the evening.....just not my day I guess...

ARRRGGGHHH....dunno how much that I will be spending this time to fix the PC! Money prob again!*sorry, just can't think of the bright side atm.....*

A few hours ago, unfortunately, sigh......., I saw Mr. Bai Lang(aka Mr.yucky n ugly n LC, actually I don't even know his name) if you don't know who am I refering to,that's perfectly fine as you wouldn't wanna know who he is anyway. Ah well, he is still as "er xin" as ever, I reckon he must thinks that he's the most trendiest, and most handsome guy on earth, c'mon, gimme a break!~~ the way he talks n acts are total turn off man! In short, I just can't stand him, not even a milisecond....

Some ppl might think that I'm such a bastard or bitch or watever but seriously speaking, there are some ppl that you just don't like without any reason, perhapes that guy is just one of them for me. (let me clarify this,not because I felt threathen by his "good lookingness" or what so ever....)

Anyway, enough of Mr.Cannot Stand Him, Easter break is coming soon and I can't wait any longer for it to come cause I need to have a break, desperately!~Just found out that since Uni started till now, I actually never had a day that I'll wake up in the morning, having nothing to do on that day and went back to bed, NO, not even a single day!~~ Please easter, quickly come n save this innocent n desperate soul!

Ok, these are my complaints of the day, lots more to come tomorrow n day after tomorrow n so on..... till then, ciao!

2004-04-05T16:44:00.000+10:00

Don't know how to start, but anyway, welcome myself to this blogspot, *clap clap clap*....Thank you....Thank you....
First of all, I would like to thank a few of my buddies who are so into this blogspot thingy, if not because of the inspiration that given by these few ppl, I couldn't be borthered starting a site of my own. Secondly, I would like to thank my brain, if not because my brain thinks too much and constantly worrying about shit loads of crap, I will not have so many things to write down each and everyday, why can't I be more simple minded n living in my "la-la land"(quoted from Kelly Chen lookalike, puke!~~ ) forever?
Anyway, let's hope that I'll have the "determination" to leave a note here every now and then, till then, adios!~~~